Parenting on Purpose

The little boy squealed in delight as he ripped open the shiny foil-like wrapping paper. The reflective surface of the metallic sheet had a shimmering effect, which had apparently caught the attention of the little boy. Z , who was voraciously tearing at the paper, paid no attention to what was inside, his first Christmas gift of the year. He also seemed oblivious to the background voices of his granduncle and grandaunts, who were enthusiastically trying to get him to open his present. It was Christmas Eve, and our family was gathered at Sue's aunts' home, where the extended family normally celebrates the festive occasion with a traditional feast of turkey, ham, and other delectable treats. We had just finished a rousing session of singing Christmas carols, and our son Z still did not display any signs of being tired. This despite him singing and lifting his hands throughout the session, obviously enjoying the melodious voices that were singing song after song about Chri

It has been a long couple of weeks since the tantrums started. It all began on a Monday morning three weeks ago, when Mark dropped Z and I off at a nearby library to return some books. It had been an exhausting weekend with my cousin getting married, and family in town from overseas as a result of the wedding. Our son, being pretty much like his parents, does not like crowds, nor does he relish too much attention, which is often the ill-effect of being a cute baby and having hordes of people poking and cooing at you in a large gathering. We were all mostly hung-over from the previous few days, but the library books had to be returned. I was at the borrowing counter, about to scan in my books, when Z got grouchy because I did not want him pressing the buttons on the terminal. Soon, it escalated into a major tantrum, with my son rolling on the carpeted floor of the library next to the "Please Maintain Silence" sign, wailing at the top of his lungs and refusing to be consoled.

"I really can't wait to eat Claire's delicious dinner. She has always prepared a sumptious meal all these years... But this crazy rain seems to get heavier by the minute, and the traffic is really crazy... I wish we had arranged another day for our mentoring session..." That was my lament to Sue as we drove last Thursday to the home of Ben and Claire, the lovely couple who have been our relationship mentors even before we got married. The December monsoons had come a few weeks early, peak hour traffic was almost at a standstill, our son Z was getting a little cranky in his car seat, and we were very late - almost one hour to be precise. But the moment we entered the house, all strain and tiredness seemed to evaporate like the springtime mist. Ben was all smiles as he greeted us. "There's no need to apologise," he voiced, as we articulated the long story behind why we were so late. "What's most important is that you're here," echoed Cl

i has taken the world by storm. Today there are few people who do not know what an i Pad, an i Phone or an i Pod is. And that does not preclude children under the age of eight. According to a recent US study, about half of children aged eight and below have access to a mobile device such as a smartphone, a video i Pod, an i Pad or other tablet. The October 2011 study of 1,384 parents by San Francisco-based Common Sense Media explained the findings, saying that the figures reflect the trend among adults, given that parents continually model such behaviour for their children. This trend is not exclusive to online media. According to the survey, the television is still the main entertainer for a child. Results showed that children under the age of two tended to watch an average of 53 minutes a day of TV or DVDs, and about one-third of American children that age have TVs in their bedrooms. When Sue and I first read the survey findings, it brought a certain feeling of dis-ease to us. In

We had a lovely weekend. Saturday was spent going for Z's swim class in the morning, followed by his usual nap before we headed off to spend the afternoon with one of Mark's very good friends, Edwin, and his wife Christine. They have three girls. It was a time of rest and catching up. The fellowship was comfortable, our shared commonalities made for insightful conversation, the children played well together, and most of all, we once again felt refreshed in the presence of good friends.  I have come to not take these moments for granted. Ten years ago, in my yet unmarried state, no housework or babies to tend to, these moments were far easier to obtain and I believe I must have taken them for granted. In my university days, or just starting work, there seemed to be so many more evenings which could be spent just hanging out with friends for dinner, or catching a show. There have also been friends who have come and gone through the years, and I have learnt to take friendshi

We celebrated Amah's 91st Birthday yesterday. In just three days' time, my maternal grandmother would have taken her first year into the tenth decade of her life. The grand lady gripped the harmonica purposefully. With her hands tightly grasping the metallic instrument, she blew ernestly into the holes, and spun out the tune of the great hymn "Whispering Hope". At her side, Uncle Peter, who had flown in from the UK for the occasion, tuned his ears to identify what key to play, before joining in on the guitar to smoothen out the musical piece. The symphony was completed by the rest of Amah's children and grandchildren, who formed the choir in a most uncoordinated yet harmonious manner. Our son, Z, gazed intently at his granduncle. He watched his granduncle's deft fingers strum expertly at the guitar. With an expression of complete amazement, Z turned to look at his great-grandmother, clearly in awe at the tenacity with which she was playing the harmonica. It wa

It was confirmed! We were going to have a boy! Mark has always wanted to be a Daddy to a son, someone whom he could do all the "Daddy-ish" things with - go trekking, camping, play chess, play ball, the list goes on. He was overjoyed. I, however, have always been deeply petrified at the thought of having a son. I have always wanted a girl, someone to giggle and play masak masak with. However, God in His infinite wisdom chose for our firstborn to be a boy, and not just any boy, but a real "boy's boy". Our son never ceases to surprise us in all the ways he lives up to his true boyish nature. He never walks but runs. He doesn't just eat but gobbles down his food. When we go for a walk along the canal, he insists on walking along the full-length of the iron grating beside the path. If there is a puddle, he insists on stepping in it. If there is a leaf, he has to either pick it up or kick it. Last week, he even tried to eat one. He leaps down stairs, two at a t

It's been exactly one week since our family took a brief respite from everyday life in Singapore for a five-day holiday. Just one day before our trip to Tioman, we sent an SMS to our neighbour to help us collect the newspapers and to help keep an eye on our home. To that, she keenly observed, "Wow, your family goes overseas very often!" Her comment is true; afterall that was our fifth trip overseas this year. Don't get us wrong - we are not among the most affluent families in Singapore; and this post is not meant to brag about how many times we go overseas. On the contrary, this post is meant to convey the importance that we place on taking time off from our work. As such, of the five trips this year, three were to Malaysia (by car), one to Indonesia, and only one "big trip" to Australia. Sue and I love to travel. We are exhilarated by the sights and sounds of a different land. We enjoy the natural beauty of a country's scenery. We love to imbibe the cul

Our son took his first long walk last week. On that Friday afternoon, I received an SMS from my wife during the day that he had walked for a good distance along the canal where we lived. Jubilant on receiving the news, yet determined to see this for myself, I hurried home to take him again to the canal after work. It was a lovely evening. The glowing sun had not yet bid farewell to the day. The leaves were rustling gently in the breeze. And the two of us were holding the hands of our son as we guided him to the canal to reprise his afternoon's performance. My wife held him steadily, before gently letting him go. Both of us proceeded a few steps in front of him, waving our hands madly and gesturing for him to come to us. "You can do it," we cried. "Come to Daddy and Mummy!" Z stared blankly at us, his hands outstretched in a balancing position. Looking at us hesitantly as though we were strange creatures from a faraway galaxy, he gyrated awkwardly as though he wa

I have been feeling rather disturbed by a recent trend I've noticed among the children I work with. It started with a few of my tuition students demanding food and drink from me during our lesson - "I want a glass of water!" and "I'm hungry. Do you have anything to eat?" with no "please" to preface their demands, or even a  "thank you" after I had to rummage through my kitchen to find something to fill their stomachs with. Never mind the fact that I am their tuition teacher, and not running a restaurant out of my home. Then it carried on with one of my counselling clients in school telling me that his parents did not love him, though they had rewarded him for doing well by letting him choose two gifts of his choice - because they had not bought him a Sony PlayStation 2.  The final straw was at the students' graduation ceremony this week, when a boy who had won the best award tore open his gift envelope while still on stage, and

On the 26th of July 2010, a lovely boy entered the world. Today, 14 months later, this little baby has grown up to become a confident young boy; one who has a zest for life - a deep love for nature and the outdoors, a deep hunger for all kinds of food, and a deep love for the people in his life. For a long time since our son was born, we have been wanting to share our parenting journey, as well as the societal issues associated with parenting. This blog was written as a result of this desire. For the last two weeks, I have been involved in the annual social-academic exercise otherwise known as the Polytechnic Forum. Every year, some 300 poly students in Singapore would gather to discuss a salient issue. Eminent speakers would be invited, qualitative discussions would be organised, and at the end of the event, the students would present their findings to a prominent government leader, in this case the newly-minted Education Minister Heng Swee Kiat. The theme of this year's forum was